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Men Made For More Episode 139: Staying Accountable and Building Consistency Through Small Habits with Kyle Shrum

guestepisode Apr 01, 2021

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Men Made For More Podcast Episode 139: Staying Accountable and Building Consistency Through Small Habits with Kyle Shrum

How do you stay accountable and continue to see success across ALL the major areas of your life? It starts with getting focused on one thing that will lead to the biggest improvements across several areas of your life. Learn how to build small habits that can create incredible results over time when consistently acted upon.

Get ready for Round 2 of the Mindset Mastery Challenge starting April 5th! This is an intensive one week mindset challenge for men looking to GROW and LEAD themselves, their marriage, their family, and their businesses. Join like minded men in daily group coaching calls and accountability to level up your mindset (and some pretty cool prizes).

Click the link to join the community and for all details and access to the first few days of recorded coaching calls and content https://www.menmadeformore.com/mindset-mastery

Have any questions on the challenge or on this podcast episode? Text me at (760) 477-4361

You can reach today's guest, Kyle, at @kyleshrum on Instagram and or check out https://garagegymathlete.com/ to learn more about becoming a garage gym athlete yourself. 

Men Made Fore More Podcast Episode 139: Staying Accountable and Building Consistency Through Small Habits with Kyle Shrum

[00:00:00] Dave: Hey there mighty man. I'm your host, Dr. Dave Paczkowski founder of Men Made for more coaching, our business helps husbands level up their life. Their leadership and their legacy in marriage and in business. The purpose of this podcast is to bring together like-minded men that feel destined for big things in their life, provide you the resources and community that you need to lead yourself, your family and your business.

[00:00:27] If you've ever felt overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, or alone on your journey to a better and more purposeful life, you're in the right spot. You weren't designed to be average. So it's time to quit living that way today. I'm giving you permission to unlock your true potential and step into all that you were made for.

[00:00:45] 

[00:00:45] What's up guys, welcome to the men made for more podcasts, joined with a good friend of mine, special guests. Second time on here, actually Kyle Shrum. And, uh, I'm just, uh, I'm excited to have you back on here and, uh, excited to [00:01:00] dive into some more of the content before we get into the fun stuff. Quick announcement for people listening.

[00:01:04] We do have our, our second mindset mastery challenge coming up this next week. So we'll have that all linked up in the show notes here and make sure to check it out. Go get signed up a one week intensive for you guys to level up your mindset. So go ahead and check that out. But, uh, for our guests here today, Kyle man, excited to have you on here.

[00:01:22] Thanks for coming back on the show.

[00:01:24] Kyle: [00:01:24] Yeah, man. Um, I'm excited, man. I'm excited to get on here and let it rip. Let's talk about some fun stuff and, uh, yeah.

[00:01:32] Dave: [00:01:32] Yeah, it's going to be good. And if you come back a second time, the first one had to have been pretty good as well. So if you guys missed that one, make sure to check it out, but I want to pass it back to you. Kyle we'll give the, and a lot of people probably listen to the first one, but for those that didn't, what's maybe an abbreviated, you know, 62nd elevator pitch type type bio of who you are and what you're up to.

[00:01:51] Kyle: [00:01:51] So a former youth minister for seven years, um, husband, father got a four and a two year old. Um, [00:02:00] currently my full-time job is with, uh, a company that does called PT biz. We do business coaching for physical therapists, uh, specifically in the realm of cash based practices. And then my part-time job, I'm a, an online fitness coach for a company called end of three fitness.

[00:02:17] And our, um, programming is called garage gym athlete, and we cater to garage, gym athletes, people who work out at home. And, um, so we have programming and coaching and all that kind of stuff lined up for, for people who are training at home.

[00:02:31] Dave: [00:02:31] and former background a little bit on, uh, I know some minister background, you might touch briefly on that too.

[00:02:37] Kyle: [00:02:37] Yeah. So, uh, like I said, seven years starting in 2013 up to August of last year, actually. Uh, when I went full-time with PT Biz because that's when I stepped away from full-time ministry, but, um, stepped into it, you know, kind of young and, um, and wide eyed and bushy tailed and all that kind of stuff and had a, had a good time.

[00:02:58] And in [00:03:00] full-time youth ministry for seven years and, um, started on the, the side stuff. You know, as I was doing that and just, you know, decided to take a better opportunity, you know, with these kinds of things and better financial freedom for my family and things like that. And that was the main reason.

[00:03:16] But, but yeah, I grew up in church and, um, never thought that ministry was anything I would ever want to do. And, you know, God had other plans and opportunity came along. So I did it and it was a, it was a great time. And still even now not being full time, still, you know, looking for other opportunities to serve in that way as well, and, and put my expertise to, to work there as well.

[00:03:37] So, um, that's one thing that, you know, not being full-time, it actually kind of opens me up to, to be more involved in other things, you know what I mean? It's still able to minister and things like that. So ministry is still part of it, but I'm just not getting paid for it anymore. So.

[00:03:52] Dave: [00:03:52] it just looks a little bit different and it was fun. Last time we talked to hear kind of your thought process and your openness to these changing [00:04:00] roles and these different things. And like, it was the last time you have a, you have a lot of stuff going on and it's been cool to see your thought process, how you've been able to process through some of these things, with the new opportunities, with these, with these different things and, uh, blends in nicely with today.

[00:04:14] You know, we were talking about what we wanted to, we wanted to chat on and accountability kept coming back of how to, how to stay accountable across these different areas. Because I talked with a lot of, a lot of our clients. I'm sure you see the same thing with, with some of your. Uh, both the PT side of things and the garage gym athlete side of things is people can get really good at being accountable, maybe in one area or maybe even a couple of areas.

[00:04:36] But, uh, we see these, these imbalances that can happen where people focus so much on fitness and they get really fit and they look great, but their relationships suck and maybe they don't have any kind of, you know, spiritual Walker. They're not, they're not walking their faith at all. Or maybe, you know, in, in ministry, you've, you've seen people that are, you know, super strong spiritually, like rock solid, strong spiritually, which, which you and I agree is a, a good, a good foundation [00:05:00] to have, but maybe they're letting their health slip and they're not, you know, if you're letting your health slip and you're overweight and out of shape, and can't, don't have the energy to go serve, that's going to affect that as well.

[00:05:10] And so there's, there's the physical side of it. There's financial as a spiritual, there's your emotional, your relationships and all these things. And how do you, you know, how, how have you been able to both maybe an example in your own life or in other people's lives, how you've been able to. Uh, to teach people how to stay accountable across all these areas and not just get so laser focused on one that we see these other areas start to fall apart.

[00:05:34] Kyle: [00:05:34] well, I feel like we have to understand, you know, that the, that life is it's. There's a lot to it. You know what I mean? Especially once you, you know, you get married and now you've added something else, you know? And then once you guys have kids, you've added something else and then you have another kid and like there's another one, you know, and all these different things.

[00:05:54] And, and so you have to understand it that you can't be [00:06:00] laser focused on just one thing anymore. And whereas before that, before these other things that you're trying to work on, you, you can kind of be a specialist and you can kind of see, this is my one thing. This is what I do. And I'm only accountable to me anyway.

[00:06:16] But, but what I've seen is the best thing that you can do is just build things slowly and build small habits over time. And the coaching that we do at garage gym athlete, that's, that's our whole, our whole. Paradigm of coaching is, uh, I don't know if you've read the book atomic habits by James clear, but it's fantastic.

[00:06:35] It's amazing. And that's kind of how I, you know, we built our, our coaching is just building small habits over time of here's this one thing that you need to focus on, focus on that thing until it's a habit focused on that thing to them, you know, you don't, you don't have to think about it anymore. And so I think that something that people do is they see all of these different areas of their life, that they need accountability in all these different areas of their life that they need to grow in.

[00:06:58] And they're like, man, I [00:07:00] got to do everything. You know what I mean? And really take one thing in this area and get good at that thing, go to this area and get good at this thing. Just focus on really small things at once and, and just build small things in each area. And then they just compound on each other, you know what I mean, each time.

[00:07:17] And so that's kind of what we're trying to do with our coaching is, um, not trying to. Throw a whole bunch of stuff out there. Here, you need to do this and this and this and this. And especially with the people that we talked to, because we're talking to garage, gym athletes, we're talking to people who train at home, you know what I mean?

[00:07:33] And nobody's forcing them to do that. You know what I mean? Like they're not professionals, you know, they don't do it for work. You know, they don't do any of that. Like they, they realize that they need to make a change. They realize that they need to get better and they take the initiative to do that. And so, but these are people with real lives.

[00:07:49] These are people with jobs. These are people with families. These are people with restrictions, you know what I mean? And so we have to accommodate all of those things. And so we're not just going [00:08:00] to throw a whole bunch of stuff at you at once. You've already got a bunch of stuff, you know what I mean? So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm the one who does all the coaching that well, the coaching for one of our programs, um, we have a women's specific program.

[00:08:10] I don't do that coaching, but, um, but everybody else comes to me for coaching. And so. That's the one thing I just say, Hey, we're going to pick one thing and we're going to focus on that. And once you nail that one, we'll move on to the next thing.

[00:08:24] Dave: [00:08:24] that's real good. And I think that, you know, to summarize what I'm hearing you say is like a lot of people make the mistake of trying to bite off more than they can chew, or maybe they, they think they can, they can chew it. Or maybe you can chew it for a period of time a season, but they create these habits that are not sustainable.

[00:08:39] And they see this. Maybe they see more progress at the outset, but then they get this big crash and they get, and we get people in, you know, in our, in our PT business and our rehab business. There's all the people that push too hard. And then they're out for four weeks and they push too hard and they're off and that's not going to get the results you are if you're, if you're just staying consistent and that you can take that with fitness, you can take that with your [00:09:00] business.

[00:09:00] You can take that with, with anything. And I, I totally agree with that, but what's the. Yeah, I think that's a mistake. A lot of coaches make when they're coaching people, it's, it's giving them too much like a fire hose of information. And then people get overwhelmed, they try and implement everything. They fail.

[00:09:14] How do you meet people when, because I'm sure you get some people if like, like I do as well, that are, uh, you know, they're the eager people. They're, self-starters, they, they sign up and they're the ones trying to push the pace. How do you balance having to pull back the reins without discouraging them?

[00:09:29] Because I found when people, they want to, you get the people that want to go, go, go. They're like, I do want to take this. Um, I'm willing to commit six hours a day. I'm going to do this and this and this. And then, but you, we know as coaches, like that's not sustainable. We have to pull them back. So in those cases where the people might be motivated, how are you educating them?

[00:09:48] How are you kind of pulling back the reins and doing that in a way that doesn't get them discouraged?

[00:09:54] Kyle: [00:09:54] That's, uh, that's a, that's a hard thing to do sometimes. Especially [00:10:00] when, especially as a coach, sometimes you find yourself, you find, you find people who need to be pushed, right. Who know they need to make a change, but they're not super motivated to make it. They were motivated enough to seek you out. You know what I mean?

[00:10:14] But then it's like, it gets real, you know what I mean? It's like, Oh, I actually have a coach. Oh, that person's actually going to be checking in on me. You know what I mean? Now I actually have to do it. And then just like you were talking about there's people on the other end of the spectrum, that's like, bam, bam, bam, cocoa, cocoa, you know, they're ready to do everything.

[00:10:28] You know what I mean? And, and, and some of them actually can, some of them can handle more than other people, but I try to keep in mind, uh, Jocko, Willink talks a lot about like detachment, right? And so as a coach, I have to remain detached from as much as I can remain detached from the results of that, that other people will find, you know, and that other people are seeking and that other people are attaining.

[00:10:54] Um, because as the coach, I need to keep my emotions out of it so that I don't [00:11:00] jump in there with them. You know what I mean? Uh, yeah, we're going to take off and we're going to run and yeah, let's go do it. No, we, I have to be the one who holds things back. And so making sure that I'm not letting my ego take over as well of, well, if this person achieves this and I was their coach, man, you know, look how good of a coach, you know, no, that's not it, you know, I have to be the one to manage expectations and manage ego and all of those things.

[00:11:24] And, um, just making sure that I'm studied up and know from experience, not just know from experience, but my own experience, but other people's experience as well of knowing where that kind of. That kind of action can go. And just trying to manage people's expectations of, I know that this is where you want to go, and I know that you feel like you can go really fast and get there and you might get close to it by going really fast, but you're going to break before you get there and you're going to be set back, you know what I mean?

[00:11:56] Like this is going to happen. And so let's manage our [00:12:00] expectations and let's take the long game and let's just trust me, you know what I mean? Trust the process. And so that's kind of, it for me is just trying to be emotionally detached from it and keeping my ego out of it where I can just kind of step back and say, I see where you're going with this.

[00:12:18] And I love that your enthusiasm, but let's. Let's manage expectations a little bit, but, but also kind of giving into that a little bit too. Cause like I said, not everybody's that way. Not everybody is naturally motivated. I'm actually not one of those people. I'm not a naturally motivated person. I need people pushing me.

[00:12:34] You know, I need people, you know, lighting a fire under me where I get things done and I move forward. And so I, I kind of see it from that perspective, but then I have these other people who just take off and just want to go with everything. And it's like, let's, let's reign it in a little bit and just keep things, keep things.

[00:12:51] Dave: [00:12:51] Hmm. Yeah, that's a couple of really good points. Cause that's, that's one mistake I made early on and, and when we first start our PT business, then when [00:13:00] started, uh, this coaching business last year is I, I found at times I. Wanted people's success more than they wanted. And that got, that got me into trouble that got them into it, strained the relationship.

[00:13:12] Some because you have to be able to meet people where they're at. We can't as coaches. We can't want that more than the person in front of us. And there's so many ways you can educate and encourage and know like some of it's an awareness of knowing when to when people need pushing and when they need, uh, when they need some comfort and encouragement and there's different communication ways to go about that.

[00:13:33] But I found for a lot of people, I was like, I wanted their success more than more than they did. And like you said, it's, it's, uh, you know, when you really reflect on it and peel back the layers, it's like, well, is that my, is that my ego? Is that like pride? Is that going to like, is that speaking to my success as a coach?

[00:13:49] Like if they don't succeed, it's easy to internalize that, uh, on, on ourselves and be like, well, I must not have been a good coach. And I think it's good to always reflect on those things, but at the same [00:14:00] time, the ones that the more I learn, the more I can. And I'm sure you see, we meet people where they're at and the more you learn those things, the better, those results that we're trying so hard to give for them end up happening anyways, instead of trying to just like force it and force it and enforce it.

[00:14:18] So, uh, I think that's a, that's a really good, good point on, on that end. And, uh, and I, I know the type that like to like to push fast, don't like to. Don't like to hear that they need to slow down. And I don't know if you've run into this. I'd love to hear thoughts on it, but sometimes it's a matter of letting them, I don't say crash and burn completely, but have you, uh, I want to hear your thoughts on it because I've had to just let people say like, fine, go ahead and try it.

[00:14:44] And I think there's power in, in people learning that way as well. If you run into some of that,

[00:14:51] Kyle: [00:14:51] Yeah, absolutely. You run into people who sometimes that's the only thing you can do. You know what I mean? Sometimes you, you can only tell some, somebody so [00:15:00] many times, you know, Hey, this is, this is what's going to happen. If you don't, if you don't slow down, you know, or if you don't do it this way and you know, and sometimes you do your absolute best to manage those expectations.

[00:15:11] You need to manage those, you know, that, that pace and, and, but people are people, you know what I mean? And people are going to do what they want to do. And, and so sometimes there is that, that moment where. Maybe you let them, maybe you don't, maybe it happens without your knowledge, you know, but, or sometimes you just, you see that it's going to happen and you just prepare for it.

[00:15:33] It's like, I know that this person's not going to listen to me. They're going to run off and do something that I didn't tell him to do or do something I told them not to do. It's going to happen. Here's my plan when it happens. And when it happens, it's like, you don't say, I told you so or anything like that.

[00:15:48] It's all right. Let's manage expectations and let's start again. You know what I mean? And sometimes that's because, because you and I are that way too. Right. Um, we, we get things in our heads and we [00:16:00] see, okay, it's going to work this way. And it just doesn't work like, Oh, well, we didn't do it. Right. So we go and do it.

[00:16:05] And sometimes we find out the hard way, you know what I mean? That really, it wasn't going to work out to begin with. You know what I mean? So yeah, sometimes it is about that, about, about letting people fail. But I think I talked about that. A little bit last time as well. Is it? Failure is okay. You know what I mean?

[00:16:23] We, we have to get to a place in society and we especially have to get to a place as coaches of failure being okay. You know what I mean? Especially like what I'm talking about and the same, the same people that you work with. Like we're working with normal people, regular people. We're not working with professional athletes.

[00:16:41] You know what I mean? Where you know, where a small fraction of a detail really makes a big difference. We're working with regular people who are just, they're just trying to be better. And so failure is okay and failure is inevitable. You know, it's going to happen, you're gonna mess up. You're going to fail.

[00:16:59] Things are going to [00:17:00] break it's that's just life. And so that's part of it, of detaching from it as well is understanding that that's part of it. And planning for what you're going to do to move forward when it does. And so just as a coach, that's something that I have to do as well as just kind of, I have my plan for when they break things and when they break it, then I go, you know, we say, okay, let's manage things and move on.

[00:17:22] You know what I mean? Um, but that doesn't happen very often. Um, it, that that's not often in coaching, most of the time people are going to do, you know, what, what you, what the plan that you work out with them, they're going to follow it. And, and, but sometimes you have those people that they just have to go do it their, their way to figure out that it doesn't work.

[00:17:42] Dave: [00:17:42] Yeah, that's really good. I, I think, uh, You know, it doesn't happen as much as we think, but, but let it happen. I love what you say about, about having a plan, but like we talked so much about last time and people get a chance to listen to that one. If they have, and it's just accepting failure for. For what it is.

[00:17:58] And we, we see [00:18:00] failure as this, this negative thing, but you and I have probably had our best, our best learning experiences from quote failure that turned out to be, you know, something so much, so much better as all failure is, is it's a, it's a learning thing. Unless we, assuming we can adopt that mindset.

[00:18:16] Failure is just a, of another thing of feedback that helps us to learn and say, Hey, that, that didn't work the way I wanted it to, what can I do differently? And that's where having that review, that reflection process in place that after action plan of, okay, what, what can I do differently? So that, that not, not even so that it doesn't happen again, but so that I make my best guess of what will keep that from happening again.

[00:18:37] I think that reflection process is also where a lot of people might not be, uh, might not be doing as much as they could to prevent the same mistakes from happening.

[00:18:47] Kyle: [00:18:47] Yeah. Um, self-reflection is not my favorite thing ever. You know what I mean? I don't think there's, I don't think there's a lot of people that like it, you know what I mean? They don't like to self-reflect they don't like to [00:19:00] sit by themselves and examine what happened and, you know, for good or for bad, you know what I mean?

[00:19:05] And just, you know, because the good can lead to a bigger ego, but the bad can lead to a bad place. You know what I mean? A rough place. Um, if you, if you jumped down that hole, you know what I mean? It's so that self-reflection of, well, I'm going to detach as well. I keep saying detach. I try to focus on that so much, you know, but, uh, I'm not going to be emotionally detached to the good or to the bad it's like, it is what it is.

[00:19:30] And it's, you know, whether it's good or it's bad, it is what it is and whatever happened happened, and now let's move forward. And, but that, that's a hard thing to do sometimes. And especially with coaching people, they don't want to self-reflect either. You know what I mean? No,

[00:19:50] Dave: [00:19:50] Yeah, self-reflection, it's, it's personally hard. It's hard for, I think every one of my clients, because it, it forces you to ask the tough questions and the tough questions, not complex questions, [00:20:00] but what did I do good this week? Like where did I struggle this week? And a lot of times, as, as coaches, we don't, we don't have some secret answers that no one else has.

[00:20:09] It's just asking questions in a way that allows people to self-discover what's what's actually going on. I'm sure if you ask a lot of people, if, if someone's out of shape, if you ask enough questions, like people aren't, uh, you know, they might not know all the ins and outs of like the details of. What macronutrients to eat, or how many of the ideal ways to work out.

[00:20:27] But generally speaking people know how to be healthier. If, if, if, if you put the decision in front of him and said, like, why are you, you know, why are you overweight? And I just use X, that's an easy example for people to relate to, but it's like, well, I'm probably eating a lot. I'm S I'm snacking too much.

[00:20:42] I mean, the wrong foods, and I'm not moving enough. Like if you do that, you're probably 80% of the way there or more of where you want to be. And it's the same thing with, uh, as you see with, with helping businesses, helping those things to a lot of people know what they need to be doing. It's like, okay, you're spending no time in marketing or your [00:21:00] business foundation is like, you spend no time building solid foundation.

[00:21:03] So all these people are coming in and you have no way of following up with them. You have no way of delivering for them. So a lot of times people know the answers and I think that's what makes self-reflection so tough. Is it forces you to sit, like you said, by yourself, answer those things and confront them of what am I going to do to keep that from happening.

[00:21:21] And that's probably the hardest part of all of them.

[00:21:25] Kyle: [00:21:25] We don't like to admit that we're doing that. We've done things wrong. You know what I mean? We don't like to admit that there are changes that we need to make. Um, we can, we can say, man, I need to make changes. And then it comes around. To time to making the change in site. Oh, well, do I have to make the change?

[00:21:40] You know what I mean? Or we find something else to place blame in or something like that. Well, if this was different than this would be different, I wouldn't have to do this, but yeah, we, we all do that. And that's the thing too with, with coaching people is I see a lot of the things that I feel personally and [00:22:00] the, the, the mental barriers that I run into personally, I see them in other people, you know what I mean?

[00:22:05] And I'm like, I know how I got through this, or I know how I'm still struggling through this. So let me give you some advice based on my experience, you know what I mean? And based on how I got through this, cause that's, uh, especially with, with where I've come from, that's where I started with garage gym athlete.

[00:22:23] I started as an athlete. I just, I signed up for their program and I had to make some changes. And, um, I got my, you know, I got a coach and. You know, got right. Got to where I needed to be. And so I can come through my coach and I can come through through to them as somebody who's already been through it.

[00:22:41] You know what I mean? Who, who knows the thing, the changes that I had to make and knows how hard those things were and knows exactly what it took for me to get there. And so being able to provide that for somebody else's is, is a really cool thing.

[00:22:57] Dave: [00:22:57] yeah. Being, being in that position where you've gone through it, and that's [00:23:00] your years in Gresham athlete, you know, and. At least for me, it's like, I've, I've tried every, you know, I've, I've gone the personal growth route. I've, I've hired coaches, I've done different things. It's like, I've, I've put so many hours into it.

[00:23:13] And a lot of that's, you know, some of that's shortened the learning curve, but a lot of times I, before I got coaches, it was so much learning the hard way and self experimenting and doing those things that are, it's an okay route. I think everyone should go that route of, of self experimenting and trying things, but it is a slow and painful route to be able to truly reflect on what's working to truly test it the right way, requires a lot more.

[00:23:34] So if you can get a coach, someone who can help shorten that learning curve a little bit is, and people look at us sometimes the cost, but well worth the investment, because if you could get to your goal a year faster, like what's that what's that worth to you. And that's a lot of times people maybe sometimes have the wrong approach to it.

[00:23:51] And I, like I said, I think there's power in, in the trial and error to doing it on your own, but there's also a power. And if I can cut off some of that time, I'm going to go and do that for sure.

[00:24:00] [00:24:00] Kyle: [00:24:00] Yeah, well, and there, there are things that, and no matter what it comes down to, whether it's, whether it's with training, whether it's with eating, whether it's with, you know, your spiritual life or your financial habits or your relationship, like, it doesn't matter. Like there are things that are happening to you that you don't realize, you know what I mean?

[00:24:19] And I think that's the craziest thing is, um, as a coach being able to step back and see those things, but then. When I see other people, when I see them come to those realizations about themselves, like, man, this was happening to me. I didn't know. You know what I mean? It's like, that's what coaches can help you do.

[00:24:35] You know? But not just coaches, you know, friends can help you with that. If you'll actually listen to them, you know, your spouse can help you with that. If you'll actually listen to them, you know what I mean? Um, you know, people at church or whatever group it is that you're, that you're associating yourself with it and that's what happens.

[00:24:49] But there's things that are happening in the background that we're not aware of. And sometimes that's what we need. We need somebody to, you know, hit us up the side of the head and Hey, look at [00:25:00] this, this is happening to you. And then you move on from there.

[00:25:04] Dave: [00:25:04] Yeah, because, because blind spots a lot of people and we have our own, but it's a lot easier for other people to see those on you because they usually subconscious. They're usually things that either beliefs or words you're saying are things the way you're talking to yourself, the way you're talking to others that are these little things.

[00:25:20] It's, you know, because the glaring things we know, like when I talk about that obvious example of, if you eat a pint of ice cream every night before you go to bed, like you probably know, okay, I need to give that up. But sometimes there's those little things in our mindsets and our beliefs, those little things that we don't even realize are creeping in there probably started something so small, something like a little habit, we pick up a belief we pick up, but then if we don't address it, it just becomes this, this big thing that.

[00:25:46] Because it happens so slowly, we don't even realize it's going on, but having whether it's accountability from a coach, whether that's having the open feedback, the vulnerable feedback with a friend, with the spouse, to be able to say those things and not flip out on them. [00:26:00] That's the second piece of it, because it's, you can be like, Oh, I want you to tell me whatever, whatever I need to work on it.

[00:26:04] Someone tells you and you're like, no, you're wrong. That's not that's, that's not right. So having that, uh, having that vulnerability and being able to accept that feedback, whether formally through a coach, whether it's through a friend, a spouse can be what can help you identify those blind spots early enough to keep them from becoming a bigger thing.

[00:26:19] Kyle: [00:26:19] Yeah. My wife can tell things about me that I have no idea about, you know what I mean? Like she went, I don't get stressed out about very many things. I just, that's just my personality. I don't stress about things very much, but when I get stressed, she knows long before I know that I'm stressed about something, you know, and she'll say, you know, are you okay?

[00:26:42] I was like, what do you mean? Of course, I'm all right. You know what I mean? And she's like, well, the answer to that question that you just gave me tells me that you're not okay. There's something going on with you. What is it? And she'll typically just take the time. She'll just drill down with me and make me figure it out right then so that I can fix it.

[00:26:59] Um, [00:27:00] But she does that, you know it, but like what you're talking about with, um, with not wanting to hear it from people, right? Like she's one of those people, like she's the last person on the planet that I want to hear, you know, tell me that I need to change something. You know what I mean? Uh, you know, I love her more than anybody and, but I also want to disappoint her less than anybody else on the planet.

[00:27:22] You know, if, if I'm a failure to everybody else on the planet, as long as I'm not to her, I'm good. You know, but if I disappointed her, it's like, Oh man, that's the worst. So that's something that I've had to work on with my relationship with her is when she's giving me feedback on things, not getting mad about it because, because I'm not really mad at her, I'm mad at myself for disappointing her, but then I take my anger, my frustration out on her and it's like, but then I get even more mad because I did that.

[00:27:51] You know what I mean? And so. And that that's something that I'll run into as well. So you, you meet that resistance. And I meet that resistance with [00:28:00] myself. I meet that resistance with the athletes that I coach meet that resistance with just my friends and my family with everybody. You know what I mean?

[00:28:09] Um, even though we love people and we trust people, we don't want to hear, you know, it seems like the more we love and trust them, the less we want to hear from them about things we need to change. And really they're the ones that are closest to us to affect the most change in us. But we resisted the most from them.

[00:28:25] You know, it's crazy how that doesn't him at work.

[00:28:28] Dave: [00:28:28] well, it's such good. And it's such good relationship advice for, for the spouse, whether it's with a friend, a, a child or a parent, it could be, it could be anyone, but. That's so true because that, because we're more vulnerable in those relationships, they know more about us. So our pride and our ego can slip in even more because they, they see us and they see our faults.

[00:28:50] And it's so, like you said, it's so backwards though, because we should be able to open up more because they're not gonna, they, they know us, they know our motives are not going to judge us like someone on social media who is going [00:29:00] to make some, like, can make some cheap jab at you. You're just someone on the internet, but it's, it's someone who genuinely cares about you, but being able to put the pride and ego aside and say, Hey, yeah, like, thank you for that observation.

[00:29:12] I'm going to try and work on this. How can we work on this? And Lindsay and I were just having a conversation this morning. Actually. It's funny, you brought up that example because I've worked so hard on finding, you know, you know, for me not, not overworking, not with, especially with multiple businesses working with Lindsay now, there's like we have a lot of things going on sometimes, and it's easy for those boundaries to get, to get blurred, to get.

[00:29:34] To get stretched where work starts just a little bit earlier and then bleeds a little bit more into our evening time, our personal time, our weekends, and have to be really aware of that. And I feel like in a good spot right now, but had to actually, you know, when we're in a good spot is an important time to identify some of these things, these communication things of, Hey, like I, I want you to call me out if you see, cause she can see when I'm getting stressed.

[00:29:55] She can see when I'm starting to push too hard. When I'm starting [00:30:00] to sacrifice, sleep, sacrifice, health, sacrifice my stress management, my things that can, can make it a sustainable thing. So asking a spouse, a friend in a time where you are fresh and when things are going good, that's not the time where we're usually reflecting, but that's probably the most important time because when things are going bad, we don't want to, we don't want to hear anything.

[00:30:17] We're in a bad mood. We're like, no, don't talk to me. You're you're wrong with this. But when things are going good, that's the time to really reflect and say, why? Like, why are things going good and who can I have in my corner to keep me accountable? So that. When these things that I know I've fallen into in the past, I'm not immune to them.

[00:30:32] I'm going to hit the, if they happen in the past, there's a chance they could come back. I don't have those things perfected and having someone to be able to help you along with that, again, formally with a, with a coach or someone or your spouse friend can be, uh, can be a great, a great way to address that before it becomes a bigger issue.

[00:30:49] Kyle: [00:30:49] Yeah, the tough times are not the time for contingency plans or at least not making contingencies. Right? Like the contingencies need to be in place before they come. Right. And that's why the contingencies are [00:31:00] for the contingencies are for the rough times, right. When you're not thinking clearly, and it's not, it's not even that you're not, you're not trying.

[00:31:07] It's not that you're not good enough. It's that you literally can't, you know what I mean? Like you're you get in that? That's, that's what our brains do. You know, that's what our minds do. We, we get to a place of stress. We get to a place of, uh, you know, tough times and we can't make a rational decision.

[00:31:23] And that's what the contingencies are for that needs to be there before you get to that place. Because, because if you don't have it in place, things are going to get worse. If you try to put it in place, while things are bad, it's going to get worse. You know what I mean? And so. I like, you know, we, we were at a, uh, an event last week.

[00:31:41] We got to actually meet each other in person for the first time, which was really, really cool. Um, but with PT biz, you know, you're a member of our mastermind group and, uh, Kelly's direct came in and spoke at our event last week. And one of the things that he, you know, he has two things that he says to people now, you know, and he's like, he's like, [00:32:00] you may be right about that, you know?

[00:32:01] And tell me more, you know, and I hope that I'm not stealing these things from him, you know, for, but anyway, um, I'm gonna, I wanna start using that, you know, cause he says that he uses that mostly with his wife. Uh, well, you may be right about that instead of just flying off, you know, I'm from the beginning just saying, Nope, this is you're wrong and this is why you're wrong.

[00:32:21] And all that. It's like the first thing he says is he just takes a moment to say, you may be right about that. And it just kind of diffuses it where. It forces him to think about it. It forces him to consider, well, maybe I'm not right. Maybe someone else's right. Or maybe there's a blend here. You know what I mean?

[00:32:38] We're both of us are right. Which is totally counter intuitive. You know what I mean? It's like, no, there's no way both of us are. Right. You know what I mean? Um, so there's that one. And then he says, and tell me more, you know what I mean? It's like, I want to dive more into this. Tell me more about that. You know, or before you have an off the [00:33:00] handle reaction to something somebody says, tell me more about that. What do you actually mean by that? Because what people say gets filtered into our brains through our filter, but it doesn't mean that's where it came from from them. You know what I mean? And so those two things really stuck out to me about, especially for relationships and in coaching and all of those things of, you know, you may be right or tell me more, like let's dive deeper into that.

[00:33:26] And I, I just love those, um, Took those away. If you took those away, I'm going to start implementing those as well.

[00:33:32] Dave: [00:33:32] Yeah, it's so good to have those, you know, whether you have those sayings, whether you have these almost these like filters you can use to overcome the initial knee jerk reaction that you're going to have. And if you put these things in place, what you'll find is probably initially, and even as you, uh, even as in, in that case, Kelly has been doing it for awhile.

[00:33:52] Like it's still, there still might be that initial knee jerk reaction. But if you train yourself, instead of just lashing back to say, well, when that happens, I'm going to say, you may be [00:34:00] right about that. And then tell me more, like you might not even believe at the time and you might be like, She's definitely not right.

[00:34:06] Like, I, I know she's not like I know I'm right. But if you say that, like you said, that's diffusing the situation. That's finding this common ground that that can happen. And that's such good advice for relationships. And we can have these other, you know, put these other safeguards in place in our, in our fitness and our spiritual walk and our other relationships of have these things in place that when our emotions try and take over, which is going to happen a lot of, I don't want to work out.

[00:34:30] I'm too tired. I don't want to do this. I, you know, I, I don't want to talk to this person right now. I don't want to say I'm sorry. I don't want to, uh, I don't want to read the Bible, go to church, do these things. Like there can be these different safeguards in place. That ways we can almost train our, our brain and our minds and our bodies to have a different response.

[00:34:47] So when we talk accountability and all these different areas, I think that's such a powerful way to be able to do that. Okay.

[00:34:52] Kyle: [00:34:52] Yeah, absolutely. And, and like I said, those, those things need to be automatic. You know what I mean? It's like those, those are [00:35:00] small contingencies, you know what I mean? And you just keep saying those things over and over it's when someone says something that's that, that you have a reaction to your automatic responses.

[00:35:09] Tell me more about that. You know what I mean? Boom. Like you don't, you don't even have you get to a point where your brain has it just automatically throws it out there and that's okay. It's not okay if your brain is throwing out something that's really offensive or really derogatory or something like that.

[00:35:25] But it is okay. If it's just something that moves the, moves, the conversation along and, and invites them to then come in and say, this is what I meant by that. You know what I mean? Um, and you can really diffuse a lot of situations that way as well. And that's. That, that just seems like a really good practice for all your relationships.

[00:35:42] Everybody knows, you know, whether it's somebody you're close to, whether it's somebody you're working with, whether it's somebody that's giving you your coffee, you know what I mean? It's a coffee shop or something, you know, it's just a good practice. So yeah, I'm looking forward to using that one a lot more.

[00:35:55] Dave: [00:35:55] Yeah. Yeah. So good. Like you said, it's not gonna, it needs to get to the [00:36:00] point where it can be automatic, but when we tie this back into building habits, staying accountable, the importance of starting small with something like start small with it, you're you might mess up a few times and forget to say it, but the more you practice it, the more you make it a habit, the more it's going to become your natural response.

[00:36:14] And you're going to find that you're doing things and saying things, positive things. Like I said, we can, we can either let our subconscious spit out positive or spit out negative sometimes. And if we can retrain ourselves to, to bias more towards those positive things, I guarantee you the way you are showing up in your relationships, the way people are responding to you is going to be, it's going to be totally different just because without even knowing it, you're speaking more positive, you're speaking more life encouragement and people versus negative.

[00:36:42] Those doubts, those limiting beliefs, those things have always been a pessimist, always being maybe indecisive or, you know, negative on things. Can, can subtly shift that without even. Consciously re realizing it.

[00:36:55] Kyle: [00:36:55] Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's powerful, man. That's the thing about the atomic [00:37:00] habits, you know, it's just building one small thing at a time and those things building up to something that's huge. You know what I mean? And I'm talking about, he talks in there about, I can't remember if it's that book or I heard it somewhere else, but talking about habits, you don't need discipline.

[00:37:18] What you need are habits, right? And so you need, you have like a finite amount of discipline and that little bit of discipline helps you build the habit and the habit takes over, you know, and basically you kinda, you deposit your discipline until the habits built and then you get your deposit back.

[00:37:32] Right. Then you can go put it into something else. And so, um, Habits are just automatic and you just move and it's just, it just becomes a no-fail thing. It's something that you do all the time and that's what I'm, that's, what's so powerful about it. And so having something like that, where it's just my habit to naturally ask somebody, tell me more about what you're talking about, you know what I mean?

[00:37:53] And I can just imagine, like, I saw him doing it to people at the event, you know, and it wasn't just, uh, tell me more, you know, like, [00:38:00] like, Oh, keep talking. It was like, he was genuinely interested. Like tell me more. I want to know more, you know, like, come on, tell me, you know, um, so I was, it was this really cool, really powerful to see that in action as well.

[00:38:11] Dave: [00:38:11] Yeah, and it's so good because, you know, and James clear talks about the difference between goals and systems. If we don't, we don't rise to the level of our, of our goals, but we fall to level of our systems. And if we don't have these practices in place, as, as we talk about accountability across all areas of not having to choose between each one, that's something that's going to make it much more likely.

[00:38:34] And we're not going to be able to be 10 out of 10 across all categories at all times that said, you know, that that's not how life works. We have to focus more on, on certain areas. And there's myths of what balancing looks like. But if we have the systems in place that allow us to, uh, to at least have a, you know, a thermostat, if you will, of when things are dipping too low, there's those safeguards in place that allow us to.

[00:39:00] [00:39:00] Revert back to our positive habits, that where are those things that keep our positive habits higher with the less degree of effort, all those things are going to make it much easier to live. What we call live in the end of doing good across all these areas versus having to choose the, or of why it can be fit, or I can be financially successful, or I can have a strong spiritual life or a good business.

[00:39:21] It's like, you can, you can have both, if you have these solid systems and practices that we're talking about in place,

[00:39:27] Kyle: [00:39:27] right. That's something that I learned as an athlete too. When I, when I joined up with garage gym athlete, it was, it was, um, losing much weight, getting in shape. All that kind of stuff was, um, uh, uh, I became convinced that the, the secret to success is consistency, but the secret to consistency is accountability.

[00:39:47] And so like you don't, to me, nothing that I've ever been successful at was something that I achieved on my own. You know, it wasn't something that, especially, like I said earlier, I'm not like really a self motivating person. You know what I mean? It's just [00:40:00] kinda like, nah, I'll just fly by the seat of my pants.

[00:40:02] Let's just see what happens. You know what I mean? Just kind of. Throw it to the wind and we'll, we'll make it up when we get there. You know what I mean? And so I'm somebody who needs a lot of accountability. I need a lot of systems. Like I need a lot of things put in place to make sure that I'm focusing on the things that I need to focus on.

[00:40:18] And so I just, I tell people all the time, like if somebody is asking me to do something or someone is asking me to go, you know, go somewhere or whatever it is, like I have to put it in my phone. Like I have to stop our conversation and I have to pull my phone out and I have to make a note of it on my phone.

[00:40:36] If it's not in my phone, I'm not going to do it. And it's not because I don't want to, it's not because I don't have, you know, the best of intentions because I do. But if it's not in my phone, if I don't have some kind of reminder for it, it will not happen like that. That's just how it is. And, um, and there's a, there's a funny one that my wife did.

[00:40:57] To me. I actually, she took, she stole my phone one day [00:41:00] and when I wasn't looking and she put this reminder in my phone that says, tell Hannah, you love her. And so it there's an alarm. There's a notification that goes off on my phone every day at 3:00 PM. And it says, tell Hannah that you love her. And so I text her every day and that I don't need the notification anymore, but I just leave it there because it's just funny.

[00:41:19] It's a funny story. But, um, every single day, whether we're in the house together or typically she's at school or she's at work and, um, you know, we're at different places. So I have to text her, but every day I text her. Um, and if it's, if it's one minute past three, o'clock. She like sends me like a rolling eyes, emoji or something like that.

[00:41:40] Like, Oh, you were late. You know what I mean? But it's like every single day, you know what I mean? But that she just, she knows she did it as a joke. She wasn't really trying to make me, you know, remind me to say that to her everyday. Cause I say it to her anyway, but she just, she knows that about me, that I need a notification, you know, whatever it is that I'm doing, it [00:42:00] needs to be in my phone.

[00:42:01] I need something reminded me that it has to be done. And so just kind of as a joke, she said, all right, I'm going to remind you to tell me at least once every day that you loved me and she put that in my phone. And so, um, but that what you're talking about with accountability in the systems, it's like, that's my life.

[00:42:17] You know what I mean? That, that hits me hard because that's, that's what I have to do. I have to do those things to make sure I'm doing what I need to do.

[00:42:24] Dave: [00:42:24] Yeah, that ties in so much what we're talking about though, of having awareness. Ideally self-awareness I think that's, you know, we should all have some degree of self-awareness, but if we don't seek it out, a friend, a mentor, a coach, to be able to help you with some of those, those blind spots to those things where you don't know your, I mean, some people don't fully realize how to leverage their strengths or how to work on some of those weaknesses.

[00:42:48] And there's nothing wrong with, you know, some people might be more gifted in terms of like, just being able to remember birthdays and, you know, texts, people just, you know, spur of the moment and not forget those things. When they say they're going to do it. But some people like you [00:43:00] and me might need to put every single thing in our phone and there's not a right or wrong way.

[00:43:04] It's, it's finding what system in your life. And, and I know people don't like the word systems sounds, you know, rigid in these things too. But if it allows you to more intentionally show up in your marriage with your kids, with your friends in your business, with your clients, At, at church at these different places, like having these little reminders in place where these things can, you know, can make a huge return where it's it's seconds of your time upfront, but that's going to keep you from, from doing something from missing something important.

[00:43:33] That means a lot to someone. And we don't know how much those, that little text means to someone. We don't know how much that little, Hey, I'm thinking about just wanting to see how you're doing. Even if we have to put that in our phone. Like, even if you're a person who has to make that reminder, like two weeks out, check on Kyle and, you know, just like check in and see how things are going.

[00:43:50] That means a lot to people and to not, to, to not think of that as a negative thing or something that you just have to will yourself more into, that's just taken up more head space that you can use elsewhere.

[00:44:00] [00:44:00] Kyle: [00:44:00] yeah. You know, I could get, I could get really. You know, down on myself, you know, when I forget things and sometimes I do, but you know, when I forget things, it's like, man, I can't believe I did that again. I can't believe I forgot, you know what I mean? But it's like taking that, taking that small moment too, to make sure that I get notified.

[00:44:18] You know what I mean? I know that it's going to pay dividends at the end. You know what I mean? When I, when I do that thing, whatever it is, you know, whether it's something for work or, I mean, I can't tell you how many, you know, notifications I have for work stuff. Like it's just everything I have everything I do for work, you know, it's like, it has a notification somewhere, you know?

[00:44:37] Um, and, but even if it's just, Hey, I need to, I need to reach out, follow up with this person home, whatever it is, you know what I mean? Or, you know, somebody asked me to pray for them, for something, you know what I mean? And it, it seems kind of weird that I would need a reminder to pray. You know what I mean?

[00:44:52] I mean, I'm praying every day anyway, but it's like, If I don't have it in front of me, like, I'm gonna forget all this different things I need to worry [00:45:00] about, you know, or just, I need to follow up. Like somebody asked me to pray for them next week. I'm gonna follow up with them and find out how that went.

[00:45:07] You know what I mean? And those that five seconds to put it in my phone, it's going to pay dividends in the end, you know? Cause you're you're right. When, I mean, just think about when somebody does that for you, you know what I mean? Like how good it feels that somebody took just a second out of their day just to check in on you.

[00:45:24] You know what I mean? Just, just to say, Hey, you know, say, Hey, because someone was saying, Hey to you means they're thinking about you. And just those little things pay up over time and those relationships and they just, they, they build something really, really big and really, really strong.

[00:45:38] Dave: [00:45:38] and those are those we'll call those 1% habits that anyone listening can be like, Oh yeah, I've thought about doing that. Or I can think of a time where I wanted to do that and I forgot, or I didn't think it was, you know, it seemed too simple. It seemed this or that, like, we can make these excuses, but this isn't, this isn't information that like, no one's heard or thought of before.

[00:45:56] Like, Oh yeah. I could totally send a text to a [00:46:00] parent, to a brother or sister to a friend to my spouse when I'm traveling these different things like this. Isn't new information to people, but it's that, it's that little bit, that extra degree of intentionality of if you need to put in your phone so that you do it, schedule something out because that's what separates the people.

[00:46:16] A lot of people are thinking about doing it, but it's the more we get into the action part of it, of how many people actually sending these things out, how many people are sending a little voice message are sending over a video, send over a text. Like those things are, what's going to separate you. And whether that's in business, whether it's just leveling up your relationship, like those things are going to carry you so far.

[00:46:34] Kyle: [00:46:34] Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's that, that's what I was talking about, you know, with success. It's like, it's not like when you, when you see people who are successful, whatever successful means to you, you know what I mean? Um, when you see people who are successful, they have their system, you know what I mean?

[00:46:50] They have their set, whatever their system looks like. Um, and it doesn't mean that it looks like anybody else's, it doesn't mean it looks like yours. They have their system. And so whatever it was that [00:47:00] it took for them to get to that place. That's what they put in place. And you need to find that for you, you know what I mean?

[00:47:06] And, and ha having that accountability built in whether that's outside accountability or it's just the accountability of the system itself, you know what I mean? Um, because I have both, you know, I have people who hold me accountable personally, to things, and then I have, you know, workflow systems that are put into place, you know, from my daily work, you know, my daily job, all those kinds of things.

[00:47:27] Um, and so all of that works together to make sure that my day, you know, every day that I get done, what I need to get done, you know what I mean? But those things build up over time. When you see people who are successful, they're a product of their systems, whatever system is in place, you know what I mean?

[00:47:43] They're a product of what they put in place to make sure they get done what they needed to get done. And that's where that accountability piece comes in is that there's something there that's holding them accountable to make sure they do what they're supposed to do.

[00:47:55] Dave: [00:47:55] Yeah. And you said it so well, and this is something I echo a lot too to [00:48:00] coaching clients because we, we try and look for this one system. That's like, Oh, I want to this five step proven system, just follow this, this template. And it's going to get you everywhere you want to go. And what we really need to be looking for is, is patterns of what are, what are the successes?

[00:48:15] What are the trends of the, what we see as successful people in whatever field we're looking at? Like, what are the things that. Multiple people are doing, what are the habits they're doing? Whether they're things are doing, it's not a set system because they're going to be different details within there of, okay.

[00:48:29] Some people do a, you know, a nightly, they ask themselves five questions. Some people just, you know, some people are very structured with it. Some people, it just happens organically. But look for those patterns in terms of what the, what the people you aspire to be like, find patterns, instead of trying to mimic their exact way, because people have different personality, types, learning types, like we said, different, uh, you know, different ways we work and process things to make sure to find something that that fits fits you specifically.

[00:48:55] Kyle: [00:48:55] Yeah. And yeah. Find some, find something that you're already doing. [00:49:00] You know what I mean? Uh, we, we try to, I think, I think we spend a lot of time trying to build new systems that are totally foreign to us. You know what I mean? Which is, which is a lot of what you're talking about. Right. Of finding somebody else's book, finding somebody else's journal.

[00:49:13] I can't tell you how many journals I've tried. You know what I mean? You know what, I suck at journaling. I just, do you know what I mean? It's just because, because sitting down and writing things down is just, I know it's a habit that I could build and, and, you know, I could, I could get really good at it, but it's just, I, I'm just not good at it.

[00:49:30] I'm not good at writing things down. You know what I mean? At least not just my random thoughts, you know, if I need to make a list of something. Boom, knock it out. You know what I mean? If I need to write down a little note for me to remember later or something, but like sitting down and journaling, I'm just not good at it.

[00:49:45] You know what I mean? And so find things that, that, uh, patterns, like you said, of things that you're already doing, you know what I mean? If, if when you come in the front door, the first thing that you do is kick your shoes off next to the door, like use that to do, to do [00:50:00] something productive. You know what I mean?

[00:50:01] Like fine. I don't know what it is that you need to do there, but like, that's just a silly example, but it's like, if that's something you're already doing every day, like find, find a way to utilize that into a system. You know what I mean? To put that into a system. Um, and just like you said, patterns that you're already following, don't try to reinvent the wheel.

[00:50:20] Don't try to completely, you know, Reorganize everything about your life, find the things that you already do. And like I said, their system, there, there are things that are happening to you that you don't realize. You know what I mean? Um, there there's things about, especially if you have somebody living with you, ask them, Hey, what are the things that I normally do?

[00:50:38] You know what I mean? I'll tell you, you know what I mean? My wife will tell you, you know, the things that I do on a normal, normal basis on a daily basis. And I don't even realize I'm doing them. You know what I mean? And so part of this really is building things that you aren't used to doing yet. And there are things that you need to learn how to do and build habits around to progress to the next step.

[00:51:00] [00:51:00] But, but there's a lot of it. That's really just stuff that you're already doing, that you need to just utilize better. You know what I mean? That you just need to do better. And so find those patterns that you know, that you're already to, if you sit down on the couch for 30 minutes before bed, You know, read a book instead of watch TV, you know, it doesn't mean you have to go sit somewhere else.

[00:51:19] It doesn't mean you have to stand up and read a book or stand up or do anything like you're already sitting on the couch, just read a book instead of watch TV, boom. That's something you're already doing. And you make that little change. And man, you know, just off to the races, bringing books is one of the best things to do ever, just for progressing.

[00:51:37] You know what I mean? It doesn't matter what book you're reading, but you know, 30 minutes in a book every day, man, life changing.

[00:51:44] Dave: [00:51:44] Yeah. And identifying those things. And I love that, that example, because it really is just about, you know, tying it back full circle. We talk about starting small and doing these things. It's like, well, what's, you know, what's one night of reading instead of watching TV going to do like maybe, maybe not that much, but what's, [00:52:00] you know, what's 52 weeks of that going to do.

[00:52:01] What's a, what's a decade of that going to do like your, the amount of books you're going to get through the analogy. You're going to have the different mindset you have. And if you need help remembering that, like that's using some of those, like use, uh, a physical cue of, if the remote's always right here on the arm rest, like take the remote away, set a book right there.

[00:52:18] What are you going to reach for when you sit down there? And like, it doesn't have to be that, that complicated. I think sometimes people try and like, like we were like, we'd just been talking about find these new systems and this new thing, and this next, like, that extra little hack that's going to get us there.

[00:52:30] It's like, no, just take the things you're already doing. Like make them a little better reevaluate, reassess, and then continue, continue to do that consistently and watch the results. Follow.

[00:52:40] Kyle: [00:52:40] Yeah, that's a, that reminds me, there was a, I won't, I won't share his name, but there was a guy was coaching and, uh, and one of the things he wanted to work on was not. Drinking as much alcohol at night, you know what I mean? He was, you know, I know, I know a lot of people do that. They kick back, you know, have a beer or two after the day, just to kind of wind down and, you know, that's one of the things he wanted to [00:53:00] work on.

[00:53:00] Cause he felt like he was drinking too much during the week and it was interrupting his sleep and all those things. And so I said, we'll do this. Like when we get off of this call, walk over to it. Cause it would sit just like what you're talking about. It would sit on our little table next to the couch next to his side of the couch that he would always sit on it after dinner.

[00:53:18] Like he would, after dinner, he would go sit on the couch and watch TV and he would drink right there on the, on the couch. I'm like, well, drinking is not the problem. It's what you're drinking. So I was like, when we get off this call, go over there and put a water bottle there instead of what you have sitting there now.

[00:53:33] And sure enough. I mean he noticed the difference. It wasn't alcohol anymore. It was water, but it was like, you know, in one week, like he cut down his alcohol consumption by like 70%, you know what I mean? He only drank on the weekend at that point. You know what I mean? It's like. That was something that he was already doing, you know?

[00:53:49] And so just put a bottle of water there instead of a beer. And it's like, you're already doing something that you're doing anyway, like, and, and you're making a progressive step forward and I'm just like, [00:54:00] man, that's it right there. Just find something they're already doing.

[00:54:02] Dave: [00:54:02] Yeah. Yeah. And that's a, you know, as we, as we start to wrap it up that's, uh, and I can, I can talk, uh, a whole, we've talked for a whole other hour on how do identify, you know, maybe what things are that the highest return things, because when we talk about not getting caught up in all these systems and better ways of doing things that everyone's promoting is we have to have the awareness to know what the highest meaningful tasks are like.

[00:54:24] Sure. It'd be great to journal and meditate and. Cold plunge and work out for two hours a day and do a walk and do a sauna and do Wim Hoff and, uh, you know, write these affirmations, visualizations, do all these things, but it's like,

[00:54:37] Kyle: [00:54:37] five hours of your day.

[00:54:38] Dave: [00:54:38] yeah, in reality, you only have so much time to work on yourself. So someone out there will have to remind me to, uh, to do, uh, do a topic and how do we identify those things.

[00:54:46] But that's a, that's a danger we fall into. If we try and go too big and I'd speak fully from experience, Lindsay can attest to it. I try and take on too much at once. And it lasts for a period of time and then it falls off. But the things that keep coming back are [00:55:00] the ones that are those highest return things.

[00:55:02] Those, those needle movers that are going help, uh, really help drive things, drive things forward the most. So that's, uh, you know, something to keep in mind, like we said, starting, starting small, but if we had to, you know, as we wrap up your Kyle, what are, uh, for someone starting out on this and maybe they're.

[00:55:16] It's totally clicking with them. They're like, yes, I know I need to, I can be more accountable here. I can make these changes. What are a couple practical takeaway? Someone can start with of how to identify maybe what areas of their life. So we talked those different foundations, like what areas of their life they can be working on and how to, you know, maybe just some partying advice of how to just get started on it.

[00:55:36] Cause that's the biggest piece, as we both know is not just talking about it, but just getting started on it.

[00:55:44] Kyle: [00:55:44] I mean, we, we talked about, you know, making progress in a bunch of levels, but man, I'm just a firm believer in this thing of keep it small. You know what I mean? Keep it small and keep it simple. I would say pick one area and pick one thing to change in that one area, because the [00:56:00] beauty of it is like you, you change one thing in one, like, let's just say, let's, let's do a, let's do a normal one or just a, just a really simple one.

[00:56:10] Let's say that your goal is to drink more water during the day. Right? If you can get to a point where you're drinking, you know what we have, we have something in our programming called the EO three elements. We've got like nine different things that we want people to really try to dial in. Right. But we're also like, you don't have to dial them all in at once.

[00:56:27] Right? The ideal, you know, optimal is having all, none of these things dialed into a point where they're all nine habits that you don't have to even think about anymore. It's like, we're not expecting you to do that overnight, but like one of the things is hydration, right? And so the goal is to drink 50 to 60% of your body weight in ounces of water every day.

[00:56:47] Right? If you take that as your one goal, and this is what we do in our coaching as well, we have micro goals for the week. And so a lot of people pick this one, they pick getting, getting the hydration dialed in. If you pick [00:57:00] that one thing, if you're drinking more water during the day, you're going to be more full, which means it's going to help you on the nutrition side.

[00:57:06] You're not going to be as hungry, which means you're going to be eating better just by default, because you're going to be drinking better. It's going to keep you hydrated. It's going to keep you flushed out of the things that don't need to be sticking around for too long. Hydration is going to help you with your sleep.

[00:57:21] So you're going to be getting better sleep. Imagine what somebody, you know, imagine how much better sleep is going to help you during your day. You know what I mean? And so I could go on and on and on, uh, all the, you know, the domino effect of those things, but like dialing in that one thing. And that's a simple example, but dial-in in just getting enough water during the day.

[00:57:39] All of the different areas that, that one habit will actually affect. Right. Of not just, I need to focus on nutrition and I need to focus on training and I need to focus on spirituality and my relationships and my job, and like changing this one thing. And this spot is going to have a ripple effect into all of them.

[00:57:58] You know what I mean? And it turns into something [00:58:00] better in all of them. You know what I mean? If you're getting better sleep, you're going to have a better relationship. You know what I mean? No matter what relationship it is, whether your wife with your kids or your coworkers, whatever, if you're getting better sleep.

[00:58:11] And if the key to getting better sleep is drinking more water during the day, then just drink more water during the day and build that one habit and then just ripple effect from there. And so that's what just double down on that simplicity, keep things simple and just start with one thing and build that one thing.

[00:58:28] And it just, it just builds on it on itself. Then hopefully, eventually you get to the point where you can focus on one thing per area, you have all of your different areas that you're trying to work on, and you have your one thing that you're working on, you know, at a time in each area, you know, but they're all still building on each other anyway.

[00:58:47] So that's where I would start.

[00:58:49] Dave: [00:58:49] man. That's so good. As a, as a perfect spot to end it because we were echoing the same thing of, we want to get to the point where, where. We're we're choosing the and succeed across these [00:59:00] areas, but it starts with being able to consistently show up in one area first and don't work on your strong area.

[00:59:06] Like if you're going to the gym is like, if you're like, and this has been the case for me, where some people struggle with fitness. For me, I've been working out since I was 13 in a gym. It's like working out four or five days a week is that's like at second nature to me, that's not where I need to be spending my focus.

[00:59:21] I actually need a little less effort in that area because that one's already on autopilot. And then how do I improve my spiritual life? How do I intentionally improve my relationship with, with Lindsay? How do I manage my stress and sleep? And some of these other things that don't come as natural to me.

[00:59:35] So, uh, pick one area and pick, pick an area that makes you a little uncomfortable to think about. And that's probably the one you need to you to start with as a general rule of thumb.

[00:59:44] Kyle: [00:59:44] Yeah, absolutely. Well, and those, those little things, you know, especially you're talking about, like I needed to improve my relationship here, you know, or I need to improve my, my spiritual life or, or whatever it is, you know, there could be, there, there could be that resistance there that you're not like what we [01:00:00] talked about, you know, that, that resistance that you're not aware of and really shining a spotlight on that resistance and trying to bust through it may not be what you need to do, what you may actually need is improvement somewhere else.

[01:00:13] And that thing can come in and knock that wall down in that other area. You know, like it's, like I said, you know, if you're getting better sleep, your relationship with your wife is going to be better. Maybe that's the point of resistance you really actually want to work on, but you're standing next to it.

[01:00:28] You can't knock it down with a hammer, right? So you need a wrecking ball to come in. So. Try it with the water, let the water hydrates you better then get better sleep. And it gains momentum by the time it gets to your relationship and that resistance you're having with your wife. It's boom. It's just crashing through it.

[01:00:44] You know what I mean? And that resistance falls down. You know what I mean? Through not very much effort, extra effort of your own, you know what I mean? I think that's something we wind up. Like we get, we get distracted by that obstacle of like, man, I need to take this thing down. I need to tackle this [01:01:00] thing.

[01:01:00] And really you need a running start, you know, you're not going to be able to, you're a football player, you get it. You know what I mean? Like you, you don't tackle them, just stand in there. You know what I mean? No tackling drill. Start that way. You always have a running start. You always have momentum.

[01:01:13] That's moving towards it. And so, um, so that's kind of part of it too, is like, instead of trying to focus on this thing, that's not moving go to another area and just kind of let the ripple effect take care of it.

[01:01:25] Dave: [01:01:25] Yeah, man. That's that's also again, so well said, cause sometimes we're focusing on that, that problem when the problem is actually, you know, there's, there's another habit or thing that we're doing that, uh, can, can really make that a lot, a lot easier to move with with less effort. So man, it's also good.

[01:01:40] And uh, you know, that's the power, like we said, of, of having someone keep you accountable, having a coach, having a community, uh, if you guys, if you guys need help on that, we got a, we got a mindset challenge coming up here this next week would love to let us see some of you guys in it's come around a group of guys that are looking to do the same thing, support each other and identifying some of those, some of those habits, some of those things that we can be [01:02:00] doing a little more structure, building those systems out to help set you up for success in, in the areas that you need to.

[01:02:05] So if you guys are interested in that, make sure to check out the show notes, you can text me as well. If you guys have any questions on it, but Kyle man, this has been been a blast. Where can people reach out to you? Where can they work? Can they find you to, to get in contact with you?

[01:02:18] Kyle: [01:02:18] Uh, probably the bet I'm on Facebook and Instagram. Uh, it's just my name Cal from that's where I am traumas in drum. S H R U M. That's me. Um, that's where they can. That's where you can find me. Um, I got, I got to plug garage, gym athlete programming, go and check it out. , Free 14 day trial.

[01:02:36] Uh, it garage gym athlete.com. If you want coaching at garage gym athlete, you come and talk to me. That's that's where you're where you wound up. You wound up coaching with me. So that's, that's awesome. And, uh, love to see, love to see everybody there also, uh, I'll just give an extra plug for your, your mindset stuff that you do.

[01:02:54] I've been through it guys. It's awesome. It's unreal. And, uh, it's well worth it. So [01:03:00] we're worth every minute that you throw into it. So, absolutely. I'll give you an extra plug on that as well.

[01:03:05] Dave: [01:03:05] appreciate that Kyle that was not, uh, not asked for, but man, I really appreciate that. And, uh, thanks again for coming on Round Two I know, uh, I know how much you prioritize your family time and, uh, some of this to sort of be able to take some time and share with our audience and connect again. I really do appreciate you making the time for me, my man.

[01:03:22] Kyle: [01:03:22] absolutely, man, anytime I'm looking forward around three.

[01:03:25] Dave: [01:03:25] Yeah. It'll, it'll be back. So brace yourself and, uh, guys, thanks for listening and thanks for investing yourself. And we'll talk to you guys soon.

[01:03:31]Thanks for listening today, guys, unbelieving that even if you apply one thing from today's show, you're taking one step closer to living as the man you were made to be meaningful change doesn't happen overnight. So keep showing up and keep consistent every single day until good things start to happen.

[01:03:47] If you haven't already taken 60 seconds to write a review on whatever platform you're listening on, goes a long way in growing this podcast and reaching other men, just like you, that are hungry for more in their life. Do you have any questions [01:04:00] on today's show feedback or content you want to see more of shoot me a text.

[01:04:04] Yeah, text me (760) 477-4361 at (760) 477-4361. Let me know that you're listening to it. And so I can personally thank you for your support of myself and the show. That's it for today, guys, it's time to raise your standard for yourself. Stop settling for just getting by, go all in on your passions in the Lightroom made for a lot of you guys and talk to you soon.

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