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Men Made For More Podcast Episode 168: Focused Rest vs Forced Rest

Sep 23, 2021

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If you think rest is for the weak, that rest is the opposite of productivity, or if the only way to reach your level is through working harder - then it’s time to implement some focused rest. Many men  choose to be reactive - resting when they feel exhausted, worn down, or burnt out. But to be the best leader, business owner, and man you can be - you need to be proactive with implementing your rest in a focused way. Listen up today to learn how to shift from being reactive to proactive in your rhythms of rest. Reach out with questions to (760) 477-4361 or text me coaching to learn more about how to reach your next level as a business owner or leader

Men Made For More Podcast Episode 168: Focused Rest vs Forced Rest

[00:00:00] Dave: Hey there mighty men. I'm your host, Dr. Dave Paczkowski founder of men made for more coaching. Our business helps husbands love up there. The leadership and their legacy in marriage and in business, the purpose of this podcast is to bring together like-minded men that feel destined for big things in their life to provide you the resources and community that you need to lead yourself, your family and your business.

[00:00:27] If you've ever felt overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, or alone on your journey to a better and more purposeful life, you're in the right. You weren't designed to be average. So it's time to quit living that way today. I'm giving you permission to unlock your true potential and step into all that you were made for.

[00:00:45] Hey, there are champions Dr. Dave here. Welcome to the show today. I'm excited to have you guys listening in wherever you're tuning in from. And, uh, today we are talking about rest and, uh, this one, this one's one of those things that, uh, if you're a [00:01:00] driven. Business owner leader out there. Rest seems like weakness.

[00:01:04] Rest seems like something that can't be doing that is the opposite of productivity. But I want to reframe that a little bit today and kind of talk about why rest and productivity go hand in hand. They aren't something that need to be separated. It's not a, you know, as, as men we like to compartmentalize and it's like, why can't you be fully working or fully resting?

[00:01:23] So if I'm fully resting, then, uh, then I can't possibly be. Uh, getting productive work done, which, uh, may make sense at a, at face value. But when we dive deeper into it, rest is one of those things that, uh, the more that, the more that people dive into it, it's a, it's essential for productivity in the long run.

[00:01:41] It's essential for avoiding things like, like burnout, like overwhelmed, like, uh, Uh, adrenal fatigue, some of these things that, uh, you know, these, these things that can happen over time when we really just hammer our body. And, uh, this is, this is something that we can't keep wearing work like a, like a badge of honor and neglecting this important area of rest.[00:02:00] 

[00:02:00] So how do you know if, uh, how do you know if you struggle with, with rest day? You can probably self identify yourself right away if you, if you have a hard time sitting still, but this is something I've seen so much results with. And with, with coaching clients and some of our different coaching courses we've done.

[00:02:15] And, uh, in my own personal life too, this is something that, uh, for those that have been listening to podcasts long enough, a couple of years ago around, around. The start of the COVID pandemic and those things too. We had a lot of unknown around our business. Um, my wife had just decided to come in full time with our PT business or our, a local practice here in Carlsbad, California.

[00:02:35] And, uh, there was a lot of unknown and there's a lot of stress and I just, I went into overdrive mode of, Hey, we've seen it. We need to make things happen and keep the doors open and do whatever we can. So we were trying to move a lot of things digitally and, uh, there's a lot of lessons learned in that, uh, needless to say.

[00:02:51] I learned a ton of important lessons from that of a, what I wouldn't do again, if I, if I were to go back and do it again. And, and some of that was, we just tried pivoting so many [00:03:00] times we tried just throwing whatever, uh, throwing a bunch of things at the wall and seeing whatever wood would stick. And, uh, that led to long days, long hours, lack of sleep.

[00:03:09] I was over overdosing on coffee and, uh, just doing what I could to, to. Keep our, our family stable to keep our business stable. And, uh, there's there's times where we need to do that. That's obviously an extreme example, but, uh, fast forward a few months after that. Okay. I was able to survive that pace for a period of time, but fast forward.

[00:03:29] Uh, to about June or July, whenever it was. And I just, I got hit with this. I felt like I got hit by a, by a truck and I just had no energy. I was getting up in the morning and I was still, uh, still doing all the things I was still able to get up. I would work out hard. First thing in the morning, I was still lifting heavy and chasing that.

[00:03:46] And I was still trying to hit the work game hard. I had a lot of time blocked to, to work on. These things that I needed to, but my energy was just depleted. And I would find that I would get up at, like, I can't remember I was getting up at four or five that time and I [00:04:00] would, I would work out first thing and then I would jump, you know, have a, have some breakfast and jump right into the end of the day.

[00:04:05] And, uh, we're normally I'd be able to just. When I, when I get into work mode, I can just jump in fairly easily and, and, uh, have routines and rhythms in place to, to help myself to do that. But what I was finding was it was taking me like three hours just to get going. Just even feel like my brain was, was, was working, waking up.

[00:04:23] And I don't know if any of you guys have experienced anything like that. That's on the, again, the extreme end, but I just ran myself into some adrenal fatigue. I was just, I had so much cortisol in my system that my body didn't know when to rest, when to be waking and. My, uh, nervous system was just getting burned out.

[00:04:39] And that's a place I don't want you guys to get to. I don't want anyone to get to, but I've, I have several friends who have actually, I know multiple friends and mentors of mine that have actually gotten shingles from, from working too hard, have just like hitting the pavement so hard and. Chasing chasing emission, chasing a vision, which is, which is great.

[00:04:55] We talk about those things and if you're listening to this, you're, you're, you're probably driven in some area. [00:05:00] You either, you either have a, a business mission or vision you're, you're chasing something you're trying to create. Uh, maybe you're chasing a health or a fitness goal. Maybe you're just trying to chase being the best man.

[00:05:09] You can be the best husband. You can be the best friend or brother you can be. And, uh, You might find yourself in this endless journey of just like, go, go, go. I always need to be learning. I need to be reading something new. I need to be listening to a new podcast. I need to be implementing this thing. I need to stay up a little later, get up a little earlier.

[00:05:26] And, uh, again, there are seasons for this. Absolutely. But when this happens without any rhythm of rest, which we're talking about today, then burnout is going to happen. You're going to feel overwhelmed and you're not going to be getting as much. Quality out of those hours that you are awake. It's great. If you can stay up and, and get stuff done for 20 hours a day, but if you can get the same amount of output done in half that, uh, why wouldn't we want to do that?

[00:05:51] That's a, that's a no brainer, but yet we wear this, we wear this badge of honor of how much can we do? How much time can I put in while I'm working this many hours, I'm putting this many hours, I'm reading [00:06:00] this many books this year, I've listened to this many. Podcasts or audio books. And we get in this endless cycle of just learning and consuming and going without actually stepping back and, and having, having high quality rest.

[00:06:11] Now, the, the two routes we can go is we can. We can have focus dress, which I like to, I like to teach a lot of the coaching clients that we're working with of how do we plan more focused rest into our, into what we call. I say, rhythms and rhythms can be rhythms of the day rhythm to the week, month, quarter for the year.

[00:06:31] We want to have these different rhythms in place. And when we look at when, sit down with clients and just see what, what, uh, kind of schedule they have, what, uh, what kind of organization and structure they actually have to their days, their weeks, their quarters, their years, how are they. Structuring things.

[00:06:45] Do they have planned? Rest time in are they prioritizing the things that matter most before letting work creep in or before committing to other things. And we're often happens is people don't have focused rest in their schedule. A lot of guys, I talk to you have zero focus, rest [00:07:00] in their schedule, but they do have.

[00:07:02] The other end of that is for stressed. And this is the place we don't want to get to for stress is what I ran into when all of a sudden my hormones were so out of whack and my nervous system was in overdrive. And as much as I wanted to work, I was getting poor quality output. As much as I wanted to push my body, it was not letting me push any more.

[00:07:20] Uh, for other friends and clients I've worked with, they just ran into it. It was a sickness or an injury or something happened where it just set them back. And that's the fourth stress. And the problem with that is that we don't get to choose when that time is. So if you run into. If you're not planning, focus, dress into your, your regular rhythms and forced rest comes, you don't get to choose when that happens.

[00:07:42] That could be around a big launch. That could be around a big time in your business, a big time in your, in your family life and your health. You might be peaking for a, a racer, a competition you might be competing for. And when you get put in that position, that sucks, guys. That's not a good place to be when, when your body just gives at the [00:08:00] time, seems to be the worst time where there's all of these things stacking up and then this other thing happens.

[00:08:04] Now, we can't always avoid the things that life throws at us, but we can with focused rest, make sure that we're giving our body and our mind time to time to heal, time, to restore, time to repair. So that's, uh, that's what focus rest looks like. And this is something you can. How you can plan into a day into your week, into your month, into your year.

[00:08:25] And what talk about what some of those different rhythms could look like. Because if we can, if we can avoid that and if we can, I show up each day and each week sharper, then that's going to be a no brainer for us to start to apply, but it does require some discipline. It does require throwing out some old mindsets and old things we might be hanging on to that.

[00:08:43] I just have to work harder after work longer. I have to put in more hours, no days off. I can't take a day off in the, in the gym and in my business, I can't do that. And we have to throw those things out the window because you can probably think of some times where. Something happened in life and you, you had to step [00:09:00] away from whatever, whether it was a physical goal, whether it was a business goal, maybe you stepped away from folks sends something so much.

[00:09:06] And there's a good chance that once you got back into it, you felt more recharged. You felt more fresh. You felt able to actually produce at a higher rate. And that's what we want to get to, uh, intentionally not just waiting on that, to happen for us, but to make sure that we're doing our best to do that.

[00:09:20] So what is some of these, these rhythms look like? That's the biggest takeaway I want to leave you guys with is how do we implement some of these rhythms? Uh, first starting with a day to day of looking at. And what is your day look like? Where can you implement a little bit of, a little bit of rest into your, into your day?

[00:09:36] And, uh, first thing, when you clear up is rest is not just like taking a nap. It's, it's definitely not just throwing on Netflix and, uh, Benji, another episode of something or surfing aimlessly on Instagram or Facebook. This is things that actually recharge you. Things, things that could be, you know, could be.

[00:09:53] Getting outside, going for a walk is going to be, it's going to be a great one. It could just be blocking off some quality time with a, with a [00:10:00] significant other, with a family member, uh, talking to someone on the phone that you haven't haven't talked to in a while. It could be, uh, it, it could be something related to reading something that is.

[00:10:11] Is necessarily feeling like you're having to like push or grow for you. It could be playing music or listening to music. Uh, there could be so many things that this can look like day-to-day for a lot of people. And we talk about what's your, what's your quiet time look like? What's your time with God.

[00:10:22] Look like in terms of either in the morning or at night where you program these things in that can be very, uh, restful on a spiritual level, on a soulful level, uh, to, to help us recharge in a, in a whole new. So these are things from a day-to-day standpoint, you want to look at it and say, where can I put a little more rest into my day?

[00:10:40] Are there, do I need to do I need to create a, not such, not such tight schedule boundaries, maybe you're just backing so many things back to back. And you have a, you have appointments from, from one to two and two to three and three to four and four to five. And you have so much things back to back that you feel like you're always just like running and scrambling.

[00:10:58] You can never catch up and you're always running [00:11:00] behind. Maybe you need to create a little more. Give yourself a little more margin in between those to make sure that you have even just five minutes in between to let yourself go to the bathroom, to take a drink of water, to kind of regroup, take a couple deep breaths.

[00:11:12] And, uh, that can go a long way in terms of feeling rested at the end of the day, versus feeling like you just. Come home, lay on the couch and just like completely veg out because then we're not showing up as good for our family. We're not showing up as good in those other areas that, that are so important.

[00:11:26] So where can you, where can you fit that rest in to your day? I think, I think first thing in the morning is a great time to do that. I think that's when, for me, at least that's when a distractions are low end of the day can be a good time to, if you find that you have the energy for it, I'm not as much of a night person.

[00:11:41] So I'm falling asleep at like. Eight o'clock. So that's a, that's a little harder for me to find quiet time at the end of the day. So it works much better for me at the start of the day, but it could just be those margins in the middle of the day. It could be different, uh, different little you've given yourself 15 minutes after, around lunch to actually like get outside and go for a walk and can go a long way in that.[00:12:00] 

[00:12:00] Now over the course of a week, uh, this is, you know, people are going to have different levels of this, but I think at least you take at least one day off every week and that's a, God, God created the Sabbath day for a reason, created a day of rest so that we cause, cause God knows what our rhythms are.

[00:12:15] What we need to, uh, function are best. And a day of rest is, is something that has been a regular rhythm and uh, in Christianity and for. You know, for, for as long as, uh, as long as we have a record of, and it's something that, uh, is extremely important to make sure that we're showing up the next week, getting ready to, um, getting ready to show up at a, at a higher level.

[00:12:38] So at least one day a week, uh, it doesn't, it doesn't necessarily have to be a Sunday or anything, but, uh, some people like to take the whole weekend off and just make that dedicated family time, find something that works with you and start small with that. If it's unheard of to even take a day off right now, if you're working so hard seven days a week, then maybe you start, you know, Sunday from Sunday, you only work till till noon to start.

[00:12:59] And [00:13:00] then maybe you cut that back to not doing any work on Sunday, and then you can slowly expand that. But you want to get in the habit of, of, uh, giving yourself that, that time, that becomes so important to make sure that. You're recharging the way that you're supposed to, that your body's healing, that your mind is healing.

[00:13:14] And that you're not just going, going, going, because that, uh, that does two things. It allows you to, to physically show up with a more productive output, physically show up sharper mentally show up sharper, but also it's, it's hard. It becomes a rat race or a Groundhog's day. If, uh, Yeah. If there's no end in sight, if, uh, if you're working all week and there's no finish line in, in the week, if you're just going and going and going versus having at least one day off where you can be like, Hey, I'm going to push it hard.

[00:13:42] For these six days, I'm going to put your heart from Monday through Saturday, and then Sunday, I'm going to rest. And to spend time with family, I'm going to spend time doing those things, uh, that really fill me up. And that's, uh, that's something that becomes so important because if you don't have that break in there, it becomes mentally draining.

[00:13:58] Kicks in, uh, [00:14:00] other, uh, mental overwhelm can, can kick in. So make sure you're avoiding that proactively with that focus, rest of planning that in to your week and not just, uh, not just hitting a red line up to that point, but giving yourself a wind down period, as you get into that. Into that day of rest and making sure you're really enjoying it, filling it with things that fill you up that fill your cup up.

[00:14:21] Now I can go into the same things for, you know, for monthly, for quarterly. I was going to look different for different people, but, uh, having something maybe every month, it's a. It's it's taking it an extra few days off it at the end of a month. And same thing in a quarter, it can be taken a week off once a quarter to, to take a vacation to, uh, just spend more time, not, not working, but those rhythms from a month, a quarter in a year standpoint can look, uh, can look similar to.

[00:14:47] Uh, the day and the week stuff, it's just finding what works best for you. A lot of people, you know, like, like taking a long weekend once a month, a lot of people I work with, it could be, you know, it could be quarterly of, of just giving yourself a [00:15:00] week or a certain, you know, certain period of time that you have where it's like, Hey, this is not working or a throttled down version of, of work maybe, or maybe you're in a business fear for yourself right now.

[00:15:09] And, uh, you. Can't see, possibly taken off. Maybe it's just dropping your output to 50% though, and cutting your days and half, one week during the quarter, there's so many different ways this can, this can look, but you want to make sure that you're programming these things in regularly and programming them and proactively, because what you'll find is it's two things.

[00:15:27] If it doesn't get, if it doesn't get planned, then it's not going to happen. You can be like, oh yeah, that sounds great. I should really implement more of this rested. I take it from my firsthand experience. I'm terrible about just remembering to do this. So if it doesn't get physically blocked on the calendar, no appointments available, then it will, it will not happen.

[00:15:46] So make sure that you're giving yourself this in advance. Otherwise it'll, it just won't happen. And you'll find yourself months or years from now being like, man, I should have taken that should've taken more of that, that rest. But the other thing is too is, uh, say with Parkinson's law, [00:16:00] we complete our tasks and the amount of time that we have allotted to it.

[00:16:02] So whether we're looking. Uh, boundaries in our day or in our week or in our year. If we give ourselves a shortened timeframe, we just find ways to get more productive. We're more creative. There's different ways to do it. Versus if we just have this ongoing, well, I can work whenever I need to work. I can, I'm always available in my email.

[00:16:18] I'm always, uh, um, um, I'm on my phone all the time. I'm always responding to things, always working. Then we're actually not more productive. We're just spending more time doing stuff versus narrowing that window. We have to do stuff and making it happen. I always say if, uh, if give yourself a. I say a full week to clean your house.

[00:16:35] You're probably going to take a full week to do that, but if you only have a day to do it, and if you only have four hours to do it, you're going to probably get a little more creative. And you're probably going to work with a little more, um, a little more diligence in terms of actually getting that done.

[00:16:47] And the same thing happens with our schedules, with our work, with our health, with any of those things. Uh, it applies across the board with that. So guys, uh, the big, big takeaway for this is be proactive with this. Be intentional with it. Uh it's it's going to look. No, no two [00:17:00] people's. Schedule or rhythm looks the same, but make sure you move from forced dress to focus, dress, and making sure that you're doing everything you can to proactively take that rest so that you don't get to the point where you just crash and burn and find yourself having to take at a time.

[00:17:14] That might not be the ideal time versus if you can plan for it, you can let yourself imagine just feeling more, more recharged, more productive, more, uh, just sharp mentally and physically. And that's that's possible when you can get this focused rest in place. So as always guys make sure to implement it's one thing to listen to these things, but if you guys are just listening to it to feel productive, uh you're you're not, uh, you're not probably seeing the advancement that you want so that the action takers out there, the ones that are, are listening and applying the implementation is really, really where the magic happens.

[00:17:46] So make sure that if you hear this, if it does strike a chord, if it's something. Doing find whatever that might look like for you find that, that one thing you can implement, that one place you can implement a little more focused rest in and just start with that and see how it goes. And then you can make your tweaks [00:18:00] as you go.

[00:18:00] We don't have to re re flip our whole schedule just because you listened to this podcast, but make small changes that are bite sized chunks that you can take on and, uh, will lead to big improvement over time. So as always, if you guys have any questions with implementing this. Make sure you shoot me a shoot me a text 7 6 0 4 7 7 4 3 6 1.

[00:18:21] Uh, shoot me a text there and I love keeping the conversation going with you guys. Uh, I always appreciate when you guys reach out with questions, cause I know that means you're looking to apply. You're looking to implement, you're looking to level up and if you guys have any specific questions, you can text us.

[00:18:36] Capita. If it's an easy enough in a text conversation, we can go through them or be happy to jump on a call and you can also text coaching to that. Same number 7 6 0 4 7 7 4 360 1 text coaching. If you guys are, and shouldn't hear more about what that looks like to take a deep dive into all these areas that we talk about on the podcast and really find ways that where are we, where can we improve our leadership?

[00:18:57] Where can you improve your productivity, working, improve your output [00:19:00] so that you're becoming a better man better. Better business owner. And, uh, let's not wait to take that to the next level. If you guys are interested in that, I'll make sure to texted me there and we'll be happy to, uh, get you guys information on how to set up a call and we can chat more to see if it's a good fit.

[00:19:14] So go take action on this though. Uh, take action on taking rest. I know it's a seems like, uh, it seems counterintuitive, but uh, don't let it be go, go make it happen. And, uh, we'll talk to you guys soon.

[00:19:24] Thanks for listening today, guys, unbelieving that even if you apply one thing from today's show, you're taking one step closer to living as the man you were made to be meaningful change doesn't happen overnight. So keep showing up and keep consistent every single day until good things start to happen.

[00:19:41] If you haven't already taken 60 seconds to write a review on whatever platform you're listening on, it goes a long way in growing this podcast and reaching other men just like you, that are hungry for more than one. Did you have any questions on today's show, feedback or content you want to see more of shoot me a text.

[00:19:58] Yeah, text me [00:20:00] 7 6 0 4 7 7 4 3 6 1 at 7 6 0 4 7 7 4 3 6 1. Let me know that you're listening to it. And so I can personally thank you for your support of myself and the show. That's it for today, guys, it's time to raise your standard for yourself. Stop settling for just getting by, go all in on your passions in the life you were made for.

[00:20:22] I love you guys and talk to you soon.

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